Behavior is communication. Find out why they are frustrated.
Field Notes are a collection of observations, reflections, and research-informed insights designed to help parents better understand a child's behaviors, interests, and development. Each one takes a common scenario, looks at it through a developmental lens, and offers practical ways the circle of adults around that child can help. Our field notes are observational only and not meant to diagnose.
The My Learning Circle Field Notes are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose or assess any child. If you have persistent concerns about your child's development, learning, behavior, or well-being, please consult your pediatrician or another qualified professional.
The table was fine, until it wasn’t. A pencil snaps. Tears. “This is stupid.” A chair pushes back. Maybe they shut down completely, place their head on the table, choose one-word answers, “I hate this.” You feel your own temperature rise. You might push and say “just finish”, soothe “it’s easy”, or end the session and feel guilty either way. The work sits there like a verdict.
Are they overwhelmed, or testing me? Should I make them finish so they learn grit or stop so we don’t wreck the evening? Is this anxiety? A learning gap? Too much screen time? Why can they do hard things in soccer and fall apart over a paragraph?
Ormrod is clear that affect emotion and thinking are intertwined. When frustration or anxiety spikes, working memory shrinks. The child who “knew this yesterday” may not have access to it in this moment. That’s a nervous system issue, not a character issue.
Frustration often means the task is in a gap and too hard without a scaffold, or too long without a break, or loaded with evaluation like “Mom or Dad is watching and I’ll get it wrong”. Ormrod notes that learners who self-regulate try to monitor and manage their motivation and emotions, but many children are still building that skill. They need a co-regulator first.
Pushing through at full heat can teach that learning is a battle. Stopping with no plan can teach that emotions cancel the work. The middle path is to regulate, shrink, return. Productive struggle is struggle they can stay in. Shutdown is struggle that flooded the system.
1. Name the feeling before the task. “You’re frustrated. That makes sense. We’ll take a minute.” Acknowledgment lowers the load more than “calm down.”
2. Change the body, then the paper. Water, a walk to the mailbox, five wall pushes. Then come back to one small piece, not the whole assignment.
3. Separate doing from grading. Sit nearby and do your own quiet work. Presence without performance pressure is often the difference.
4. Ask “what part feels hard?” instead of “why are you acting like this?” You’re hunting the blocker that might be too many steps, a word they can’t read, fear of a mess.
5. End on a win you can finish. One sentence. One problem. Then stop. Tomorrow’s self-efficacy is built tonight.
Shorter storms. They ask for a break instead of exploding. They come back to the table. You hear feeling words. The work session is shorter, but they leave with dignity. Your own voice gets quieter. That’s the circle regulating together.
Behavior is communication. Frustration is information, something about the task, the timing, or the feeling needs a smaller step. Children are not problems to be solved; they are people whose thinking shuts down when emotion floods. Observe with curiosity, respond with a pause and a smaller ask, and let growth be gradual, not a race through tears.
Ormrod, J. E., & Jones, B. D. (2018). Essentials of educational psychology: Big ideas to guide effective teaching (5th ed.). Pearson.
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