Field Notes are a collection of observations, reflections, and research-informed insights designed to help parents better understand a child's behaviors, interests, and development. Each one takes a common scenario, looks at it through a developmental lens, and offers practical ways the circle of adults around that child can help. Our field notes are observational only and not meant to diagnose.
The My Learning Circle Field Notes are for educational purposes only and are not intended to diagnose or assess any child. If you have persistent concerns about your child's development, learning, behavior, or well-being, please consult your pediatrician or another qualified professional.
It is time to do homework or start a new lesson and you are helping to explain the activity. Then you allow the child some time to get started and it seems to be going nowhere. They ask for another pencil, they need to go to the bathroom, they simply say, “this is boring. ”You might have tried some incentives; you might say that there will be consequences.You might even give up and let the teacher deal with it the next day.
You start to think, do they not understand?Are they just lazy? Did something happen in school that I should know about? Some parents get angry and ask, “why do they do this to me every day?”
Sometimes not engaging is easy to see and, other times, it is subtle and a behavior that you don’t zoom in on at first.Either way, there are many reasons why a child might not be engaging in an activity or doing their homework for example. The easiest one is that they simply are not interested in the work. This can happen in areas like social studies and science, and they aren’t interested in the content. When it happens repeatedly in math, reading or writing it could be a sign that the child is struggling with an aspect of learning in these core content areas.
Often what looks like avoidance is self-protection. The child may be missing some key concepts that create blockers for them. Sometimes this is hard for them to put into words to share with you. What can complicate this is when a parent becomes angry and raises their voice, or takes away play time, or talks to their teacher.
Educational psychologist Jeanne Ormrod's work on motivation helps name what's happening underneath. Children engage when two things are true, they believe they can do something (self-efficacy), and they believe it's worth doing (value). When either of those is missing and when past experiences have taught them that effort doesn't pay off, or when a task feels disconnected from anything they care about withdrawal is a perfectly logical response. It's not a character flaw. It's a signal.
Start smaller than you think you need to. Not one page, only one problem. Not the whole paragraph, only one sentence. Small wins rebuild the belief that trying leads to good outcomes. That belief is the thing you're working on.
Notice what they can do before moving to what they can't. A few minutes on something in their wheelhouse, a topic they know, a format they're comfortable with can create momentum. Ormrod called this behavioral momentum, and it works at every age.
Separate the doing from the evaluating. After your discussion you might observeincreased engagement.Accept baby steps.Maybe they havegreater confidence or are often persisting through the work without complaining.What is a big win is when there ismore independence.This helps parent and child.Really important is observingstronger self-regulation.They don’t get angry, they don’t cry, or pout.It is important to emphasize that growth is often gradual and not always linear.That is important for the child to understand, as well as the parent.Try sitting beside them and doing your own work quietly. The pressure of being watched and assessed is often what shuts children down. Presence without performance pressure changes the whole atmosphere.
Ask about the task, support them to discuss what they are thinking. Instead of "why won't you just do it," try "what part feels hard?" or "what would make this feel more understandable?" Open communication helps immensely.
After your discussion you might observe increased engagement. Accept baby steps. Maybe they have greater confidence or are often persisting through the work without complaining. What is a big win is when there ismore independence. This helps parent and child. Really important is observing stronger self-regulation. They don’t get angry, they don’t cry, or pout.It is important to emphasize that growth is often gradual and not always linear. That is important for the child to understand, as well as the parent.
When you speak to your child try to close the conversation with a brief reflection that reinforces patience, trust, and perspective. Opening the lines of communication with your children truly makes at least 50% of any problem get resolved more quickly in a positive manner. Children are not problems to be solved; they are people to be understood. A single behavior rarely tells the whole story. When we observe with curiosity and respond with support, we create the conditions for growth to unfold over time. There shouldn’t be a rush to learn, sometimes it is a gradual process.
Ormrod, J. E., & Jones, B. D. (2018). Essentials of educational psychology: Big ideas to guide effective teaching (5th ed.). Pearson.
More Learning Lab resources to keep momentum going.
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